SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have been married to WH for 9 years and together 17 years, DD was February 2020, escorts was 2019.

Last night WH and I had sex. It was enjoyable until he tried to do anal. He didn’t ask, I wasn’t expecting it. I told him it hurt. He did pull out and say sorry. I was quite shocked at this point and was holding back tears. What has shocked me more, he told me to turn over and finished himself off over me.

I went to the bathroom and just burst into tears. When I came back he was asleep. I was still really upset. It took me ages to fall asleep and I had a rough night. I’m not sure if I’m just being overly sensitive or not. Everything has been going really well and then this.

You're not overreacting. If he had continued on instead of pulling out and apologizing, that would be sexual assault. It's a red flag when the best you can say in your partner's defense is that he didn't rape you.

Couples can have varying agreements about explicit consent for a particular act, but unless anal is a regular course on the menu, it requires preparation from the receiver. His behavior after the overstep was frankly objectifying. I would be shocked, hurt, and very angry if my H moved on so callously from hurting me, even unintentionally.

I wrote out a whole long post, but I'm just going to say this: your husband's behavior was disgusting and debasing.

I think you need to put this incident in the context of your relationship and give serious thought to how you are being treated outside the bedroom as well.

Entitlement is hard to combat. It doesn’t ask questions it just acts. It tells the entitled person they are special and should get whatever they want. They tell themselves they sacrifice and deserve it.

He used entitlement to see escorts.

He feels entitled to do whatever he wants sexually without regard to your feelings.

I am with blue, this has to be showing up in many ways in your relationship.

I would add at some point not only should you get objective about this, it may be a good way to reflect on whether you enable his entitlement. (That is not about the non-consensual sodomy. I am not thinking on those terms.) But my guess is you live with a pretty selfish person who has far less empathy than a normal person. Is he giving you the love you deserve? Are you truly supported and happy in this relationship?

I personally think that many of us (I have been there myself) are easy going and loving and tend to look the other way on things that show us otherwise in order to preserve the relationship we think we have.