SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think my subject line says it all but I’ll say more. I’ve been in Colorado for the last six days for a soccer tournament, just me and my older daughter. It was great when the other moms were with us but they left before us so now it’s just the two of us. Which is great so we can have some time together. But without the other moms distracting me, I keep thinking about my WS and all the shit he’s done and he broke our family. I’m just so damn sad. I know I need to be strong and shake it off but it’s so hard. I guess I’m just venting.

What do you like to do for fun? Do you have any hobbies or interests that you used to have that you could start doing again? Is there somewhere that you could volunteer?

Your join date was only a year ago, and if that's when dday was, you're still early in your healing journey. Please practice self-care and realize that you still have a long way to go in your healing journey. This isn't easy. You do need to find other options so you aren't relying on others for your happiness or validation.

It sometimes takes baby steps to begin the journey to healing,

I hear you. The sadness was a tough thing for me to deal with. It felt like a physical thing I could reach out and pass my hand through, and I thought it would never go away. And then it did. It took me about 3ish years to laugh again. I wasn't sad the whole time, but I was emotionally blunted. When I did laugh, man, it was lime a floodgate.

I'm years down the road, and I can say that things got better. I'm not completely back to my old self, but close enough that I can recognize the old me a bit more. I wouldn't say I'm happy, but content and at peace, and that's pretty good I think. I'm hoping you get through this and find your peace.

Perfectly said Justsomeguy.

I hear you, and it is sad. I feel so much grief when I really stop and think about it.

What has helped me is not being strong or trying to shake it off - it's crafting a future without my WS. Getting my own place. Imagining what I'm going to do after our kid goes off to college in a couple years. Scheduling lunches and dinner with friends. I guess I've been building a new life for myself bit by bit, and that feels pretty good.

The sadness is real. You are grieving the loss of so many things. But it does not have to last forever. Give yourself some grace and allow the sadness. At the same time, you also have to seek out the joy and make an effort to see it, acknowledge it, and revel in it, no matter how small. It’s there, but harder to see and acknowledge within the sadness.

Find your little joys. Maybe it is the look of pure joy on your daughter’s face when she accomplishes something. Or the way the mountains always look so majestic and spectral r and ever present. Maybe it’s the sunset that lights up the sky better than any painting for 15 minutes a night. Maybe it’s the contented look of a cat sleeping next to you who feels you are the safest place in the world. Maybe it’s that first sip of a cup of coffee. Or the good ache of a killer workout that makes your muscles feel alive. Or the satisfaction of finishing a crossword puzzle or a good novel. A perfectly folded fitted sheet. Or a cheesecake that bakes without the top cracking (or just cheesecake ). These little bits add up and remind you and your nervous system that you still have good and joy in your life, and when you look for it, you can find it more and more. It will help relegate the sadness to a less prominent position in your mind and make more room for more joy.

You are doing great, AL, this crap just takes time. Keep moving forward. (((Hugs)))