SatyaMom (original poster member #83919) posted at 12:04 PM on Monday, July 14th, 2025
It’ll be two yrs in Sept…since my husband had a mental health episode /midlife breakdown and sought out prostitutes…..we have BEEN THROUGH IT! He took al responsibility and I "took the bullet" at first not telling our adult children as we worked towards healing. We made a lot of progress until I found porn 1.5 yrs in and discovered a porn habit . I immediately kicked him out and didn’t speak for 2 months. Slowly we have been rebuilding with him now in 12 step ( huge growth from that) IC and honestly podcasts really help so much. I got my disclosure and still love my husband. At time I get frustrated, he has changed and is growing and says he feels like a new person but still has moments where vulnerability isn’t easy…..and takes effort. I’m a bit hypervigilant and at time am not good at autonomy vs enmeshment……I’m working on that. But we are tired. 2 yrs. Intense. Considering having him move home and start again. Any recommendations? Encouragement.? . I have a generous post nuptial and we will have a plan for and tools in place we have learned. A huge thing is he also stopped drinking. Just like that one DDay. I’ve seen change. Hopeful.
just had our 26 wedding anniversary..24 yrs of a loving marriage 2 years of hell
Ladybugmaam ( member #69881) posted at 2:25 PM on Monday, July 14th, 2025
I'm glad you've seen marked progress. And, hypervigilance is so normal, considering what you've been through. To comment on your thinking of having him move in again; in my experience in rebuilding from my FWH's A....the only way to build trust is to take the risk and test it....if you feel up to it.
You may end up hurt again.....and you may end up reaping the rewards of all the hard work you two have done. Continue to keep yourself safe. WIshing you both many more happy years together.
EA DD 11/2018
PA DD 2/25/19
One teen son
I am a phoenix.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:04 PM on Monday, July 14th, 2025
It might work. How comfortable are you with him moving back 6 months after a d-day?
IMO, it's easy to fake it for 6 months, not easy to fake it for 2 years. You're not exactly 2 years or 6 months out....
In the end, you have to make the choice. Maybe the question you need to ask is something like, 'What happens if you find him using porn or drinking again?'
Also, I view stopping alcohol a positive step. To me, it means that he isn't going to give up control of himself quite as easily as if he continued to drink.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
