SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm too sickened to eat and sleep. Can't stop crying. How long did it take you to at least get to that point?

Hi there, ShockedShattered. I'm so sorry you're going through this nightmare.

Before I answer your question, please understand that what you're experiencing is quite normal. The betrayal of infidelity is a profound shock and a severe emotional and psychological trauma. It hits hard and it hits deep.

If I remember correctly, it took me a few months to recover from the initial shock. I lost over 30lbs in about two or three months (of course, those pounds found me again). Try to eat small, healthy foods whenever you can. Even if it's just a couple of carrots, a bagel or some eggs. You need to keep up your strength.

Sleep was also elusive. I tried a mild OTC sleep aid. It worked, sort of. It's just that the anxiety was constantly there and even a good night's sleep didn't help that much. I'd suggest making an appointment with your PCP and let him/her know exactly what is going on in your life. Chances are they've heard it before and can make some good recommendations.

We often talk about the "rollercoaster" around here. It's a shitty ride! Constant ups and downs and twists and turns. My emotions could change at the drop of a hat, from bawling to rage, bewilderment to moments of clarity, from a desperate need for connection to feelings of utter revulsion... all in a single evening.

I couldn't function. I'd go from one room to another with purpose and by the time I got to the next room I'd forgotten why I'd gone there. I'd start a simple project, like unloading the dishwasher, and end up side tracked and completely forget what I was doing.

All of this craziness is a perfectly natural response to the shock and trauma.

It does get better. I promise. You WILL recover. It just takes time.

Posting here helped. Talking to an old friend who had gone through something similar also helped. Taking long walks or bike rides in nature helped. Hitting the gym helped. Journalling helped. Breaking shit helped.

Time helped.

You'll get there, sister.

Focus on you.

I remember that I barely ate for the first 2 weeks. I remember I lost something like 15 lbs immediately.

I understand that you feel sick and you don't feel hungry but at the same time, you're only punishing yourself by not giving your body and mind the fuel it needs. And you don't need any more punishment! If you can't eat, at least try some protein drinks. There is no shame in seeing a doctor for some help to sleep.

We've all been there. You are literally shocked and shattered. It's normal to cry. It's normal to be confused and angry and sad and everything in between. I think the only time I kept it together is when I went to work and just concentrated on something else.

Those first weeks are so horrible. It took a long time. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. Was shaking all the time and dropped a huge amount of weight practically overnight. The infidelity diet is horrific.

It takes effort to eat well. Protein shakes are really helpful - they help replace the water you lose from crying and get you some nutrients. Sip on those throughout the day.

As for crying - i was a mess. I used to keep a spreadsheet open on my desk and put check marks for every 15 minutes I survived without crying. I truly had to make it 15 minutes at a time. It did get better, but took longer than I hoped. It also negatively impacted my job, so be careful with that. Some folks can make "deals"with themselves that they can cry once a day or in the shower… I cried in the car a lot. A lot.

See your doctor is sleep continues to be elusvie. Apps like Calm helped my sleep - meditations or sleep stories helped my brain stop spiraling as much. Daily exercise helps, too. Some people exercise to exhaustion so they just collapse into sleep, but any amount of exercise will help.

Hang in there. You will get through this.

I wasn’t living with her as we were on a international long distance relationship, so wayward girlfriend was confronted (denying but when you feel you know) when I went to her for our scheduled visit usually 1-2 weeks in length (of course her AP cared so much he had no problem with her sleeping with the "other guy" me, her boyfriend , he just took the chance to indulge sometime with prostitutes while she was busy with me).

So my process was, ice cold internal death, holding up not to show her my deep pain, a screaming from the deepest of the soul as soon as I was alone (she went to work) about 1-2 hours, booking the flight back immediately and leave.

3 days no eating, just sleeping pause only for water and physiological functions.
Then I think about a week with very low appetite but I was recovering from the initial shock.

Around the 2 weeks mark I was able to feed myself regularly. Not much pleasure as far as I can remember, but I wouldn’t let myself go wasted just because I discovered human wastes.

I have no idea if you are still around your abuser, is probably much harder.
Distance heals you better.

Thank you all for responding. It helps to know that you reacted that way too. I'm doing my best to force myself to eat and drink water and breathe. I'm doing my best to put on an act for the kids. It is so hard to live life like it's all ok when I am so devastated. Work is a good distraction.

Hi ShockedShattered - I am so sorry and those first days are absolutely brutal.

For me it was minute by minute at first rather than day by day and eating sleeping and crying did improve but not in a neat order and not as quickly as I wanted. What helped most was lowering the bar right down and focusing only on basics - water a few bites of food rest where possible and getting through the next hour. You are not reacting wrongly - you are in shock and your body is trying to cope with something overwhelming sp please be gentle with yourself.

"It does get better. I promise. You WILL recover. It just takes time."

I am so sorry you are going through this.

My advice is to take exquisite care of yourself and any children, physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, socially.

I say this because the experience blindsided me and I was more concerned about exwh and the marriage than I was about me sadly. And that made my recovery take longer than it should have and it had more impact on me than if I had focused on myself and any children.

I was blessed to have a tribe of people in my life who do not support cheating and they helped carry me out of infidelity (along with the people in this group).

Sending ((virtual hugs))

I would say a couple months. Healing was just beginning, but that initial shock and the PTSD symptoms. Depends on the support you are getting too.

I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this.
I’ll share some notes from my experience with you in case it helps correlate.
I didn’t eat at all the first week. Slept maybe an hour here or there. Small improvement by week 2, but largely the same.
I’ve lost 25 lbs since dday. It been about 5 weeks for me ATM. Doing somewhat better with eating and sleeping now, but in general, I am still a wreck day by day. Having a lot of intrusive thoughts. Hard to stay focused at work. I thank god every day I am still employed, and I’m fighting hard to keep my full-time job.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.
I pray I can make it out the other side. I can tell that’s going to take significant time. I’m trying to be patient with myself and gentle to myself.
I hope you take good care of you. Ultimately we’re responsible for ourselves so we just must find way to stay strong somehow. I wish you best of luck.

Hope you're holding up ok. However you feel know it is normal. It's allowed. It's a massive shock and let your body respond. Trying to contain it constantly will do you no favours.
I found out in December and lost 15 pounds in a couple of weeks. Protein shakes were a lifesaver. If you're able to, exercise was also a good way to burn off some of the adrenaline and anxiety. I'd started running as a hobby in October when my WH started behaving in a hurtful and bewildering way, disappearing whenever he could. After finding out and he was back, scheduled runs were an excellent way to block off time that was mine and was safe. Ran a half marathon by March 😂
I know you're focusing on the kids and that helps too. The routine of making lunch and school runs and keeping track of cubs meetings kept me tethered.
I was lucky that work intervened and made me take a month off work to deal with the fallout and make sure the kids were ok. Forever grateful they did because I was not coping.
For me it took about two months to get over the initial shock and to get back to actually wanting to eat. A full night sleep is still elusive as the intrusive thoughts and images are a problem.
Directing the emotion at the right person helped too. I found after every encounter of confronting him with what he had done and the damage in those first few weeks I gained a little piece of me back. Like I didn't ask for this emotional pain or want it so here take it back.
And focus on you. You and the kids first always. Not them. They've had enough of your effort at this point in time.
Stay strong.

Hi,
I just joined and can’t figure out how to post . Can you help
Gina