What's in a Name

I’m new here so not well known. I have found people at SI to be warmly receptive, thought provoking , kind, and I must admit, rather direct. I like direct even those times when suggestions are not applicable, (Or at least I want to think they aren’t.) it still lets me know that there are wonderful people here giving me, with limited information, support.

So anyway, what’s in a name? I’m sure that everyone’s name selection is as varied as there are individuals here. It is hard, at least for me, to not try to find meaning in each name I see post or make comments. I simply can’t help but contemplate the meanings of names.

As to my name "Asterisk". It has two meanings, one early after D-day then replaced by the another one that exist to this day.

In the 1st two decades of our marriage, pre disclosure, I thought that I was the only character in my wife’s love story. Post D-day, I realized that I had been, for a year and a half, simply a footnote, written in tiny print at in the margins of her pages. I often ponder the question: "How it is I didn’t know that I had been replaced in my wife’s love story?"

3+ decades later I know that that description of the asterisk is no longer applicable. It was hard work for both of us and that work has been rewarded. I have no doubt that I’m my wife’s lover and I hers. That fact does not erase the asterisk, it simply shapeshifted. I have come to understand that, for me, there will always be that hated symbol that follows certain beliefs and statements I hold dear.

For example: I trust my wife. I have no doubt about her commitment to me and our marriage.*

But there it is, that black punch mark just after that period. So, one might ask, what does that mean? Well, I once had a blind faith type of trust. One that denied facts in favor of beliefs. That denial led me to be played a fool. I know that is harsh, but it is fact. And I’m okay with it.

So now, my trust is evidence based. That said, I refuse to play detective watching every move, email, text, or phone call my wife makes. But if, like last time, I’m given heads-up by friends, I won’t out right dismiss their warnings like I did last time. The trust is there but no longer naive. There will always be that damn asterisk following trust for my innocence was murdered.

Asterisk

19 comments posted: Tuesday, July 15th, 2025

Silence Fills the Void

Being here, reading so many similar stories, hearing the pain, confusion, sorrow brings back so many old memories that were laid to the grave or laid aside to rise again.

I don’t express myself in writing well. One on one, face to face, in a deep conversation is where I flourish. But here, when I attempt to put pen to paper or fingers on keys to write to strangers about the most painful event in my life, my thoughts evaporate, my fingers stiffen, silence fills the void.

I noticed that some people mention they write about their thoughts and feelings in journals. Something I’ve never done or probably will. When I feel the need to write, it, unfortunately, appears in a poetic format. Is there a place here where people share their journal entries or poems?

4 comments posted: Sunday, July 13th, 2025

Remaking reminders

Though reminders persist, over time, my wife and I have found that through years of kindness and hard work, they were less often and less painful. However, that said, reminders lurk, just waiting, like a bully’s cruel taunt, to rip one’s tranquility to shreds.

Where, for us, reminders lay-in-wait is on the TV screen. Knowing there is no escaping this fact we devised a fun and sensual retort.

Whenever a move script turns to a moment of sexual betrayal, we embrace and give each other the deepest and most passionate kiss, overpowering the TV’s haunt. We have found that instead of sitting in a quite state of mutual discomfort we, by this simple act have turned an otherwise distressful moment into a statement of love and commitment.

6 comments posted: Saturday, July 12th, 2025

Introduction

I don’t know where to start or even where the proper place for me to both introduce myself and share why I am here. The short version is that my wife, who is the kindest most thoughtful person that I have ever known, during our 15th year of marriage, started a 1 ½ year affair with a good and trusted friend. D-day (Disclosure) was in our 19th year. I was crushed by a head on collision that I should have seen coming, but 100% trust set me up to be blindsided. It never even crossed my mind that this could happen to us. In all honesty, my wife didn’t think it could happen to us as well.

Though I am new here I’ve spent several weeks reading posts and paying close attention to people’s responses. Please understand, it wasn’t my intent to be a crawler, I just needed to figure out if this was a safe place to expose my brokenness. I’m sure I’m not alone in having my sense of safety shattered. I also wanted it to be a safe place for my wife. Not that she is on this site, but I don’t want her trashed, it just wouldn't be helpful. I hope that makes sense.

On a number of threads I’ve read it takes 2-5 years to heal and if one is attempting reconciliation, it may take longer. Boy, can I attest to that – much longer.

Thank you for taking the time to read about my situation, I look forward to both receiving and giving support in the healing process for, for me, it has been a long and lonely journey. I'm thrilled to be here.

Asterisk

30 comments posted: Friday, July 11th, 2025