Today I am grateful for the growing relationship with my brother. For most of our many, many decades on the planet, I had no relationship with him. My mother was so young when she had me (19). She was terrible at fostering sibling relationships. I was the mean older sister and he was the pitiable younger brother. He became ridiculously dependent (living at home until 30), and I left my family behind emotionally when I was really young and physically as soon as I could. I would go months without talking to my mother and years without talking to my brother, not from spite, but because I forgot about them.
Over the last year, we have slowly been in more contact. I find it easy to be kind to his wonderful daughters. He appreciates that. He called me last year for work advice (!) and, unknowingly, I gave opposite advice from my mother, who expressed no confidence in him. I expressed immense confidence in his abilities and encouraged him to go for it. I have multiple academic degrees and the whitest of white color jobs, and he is a construction worker who didn't graduate from high school, so I think this meant a lot to him. He probably thought I didn't value him, but I see his good work and intelligence. Last week after Mother's Day, when my mother did her usual "let's tell humiliating stories about Pippin in front of the group," I decided to call him afterwards to talk about it. We talked for an hour and half! He sent a sweet message afterwards that thanked me for reaching out, valuing his input, being kind to his family.
Today I was in Home Depot, feeling extremely incompetent and sad because I couldn't figure out how to make a temporary fence to keep my pandemic puppy enclosed in our new suburban back yard. Out of the blue, I decided to call him, and he talked me through what I needed to get. He was so kind and knowledgable. After we hung up, I cried for a bit in the Home Depot aisle. I have worked so hard in therapy and in life on coming to a peaceful and accepting relationship with my mother, who doesn't seem to want to be any different now than she was when I was little. I never realized that I had a secret gift sitting right in front of me. And now I have, without looking for it or working on it . . . a little brother. He texted later and called to ask how it went (it didn't go that well. I'm only good at building metaphorical fences, not literal ones). He wasn't looking for an opportunity to humiliate me, he was looking for a chance to help. We agreed not to tell my mother. I am more grateful for this than I can express.
