When you compare this:
In February 2025, I learned that the infidelity was ongoing for 13 years. Seeking casual encounters at bars and transactional arrangements via seekingcom. These arrangements typically lasted 6–12 months each, with new partners after each period, and included some overnight stays.
There was a pause during the Covid pandemic, but the behavior resumed and, in the past two years, he has alternated between two partners.
To this:
What makes everything even more painful is that he is the kind of person who wouldn’t hurt a fly yet chose to hurt me so gravely.
Overall a complete rule follower, model citizen, kind to folks, helps out friends as needed, he certainly has the good guy image.
However, is severely conflict avoidant, risk-averse and generally the reserved and quite type. All of which have cost him in his career growth and a close friendship.
Its no wonder your inner compass is spinning. This is some next level duplicity, but you know what? Duplicity is always present at some level in betrayal. Its a common denominator, sometimes fueled/aided by cognative dissonance.
Where does all of this leave you? Since you have not started divorce proceedings, and based on your questions, it seems you are looking for a reasonable rationale to attempt reconciliation. To address the title of your post, can you reconcile? Its possible, but what is the probability of long term success with an acceptable level of happiness and fulfillment for you? The answer to that is complex and will involve years of grueling effort.
Im not going to pound on the stats debate which I find puzzling other than to say that when you are grasping for handholds, they can help bring some measure of clarity, especially when dealing with aberrant behavior on the part of your spouse that completely stuns you.
[This message edited by DobleTraicion at 1:19 AM, Tuesday, May 20th]
