SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Evio: My WS has put me through too much despair and I didn't deserve any of it. Nobody is worth this and I can't do this anymore - be his loving, faithful, and hard working wife. It took years before I came to this realization. I haven't been happy with our relationship for a very long time. Read my story and the link about my DDay. My WS has not shown remorse, he has done nothing to save our marriage, nothing to help me to feel safer with him, no real concerns about my feelings. He has not shown me love. I do not feel loved by him. Actually he seems repulsed by me. I have done nothing wrong,and I have done so much right by and for him. He is a liar. The lies that he told me, the lies that he let me believe, and the truths that he didn't tell me are also lies. He is a cheater. He enjoyed sex with sex workers countless times and then came back to our home and treated me badly. Again and again. And then years later when DDay finally arrives there is more lies, TT, blame shifting, minimizing, etc. I don't believe him. He proved to me that I should not believe him. He does not love me. He told me that he doesn't love me and convinced me that he does not love me. Who is he really? A question that I didn't expect to have after 50 years.

Icangetpastthis - I'm so sorry your husband treated you like this. I can't imagine how awful it must be to not be shown any remorse and for him to actually appear disgusted with you when it should be the other way round! He sounds like he is in serious denial about who he is...I hope for his sake he one day takes a long, hard look in the mirror and sees who he is and makes changes and I hope you go on to live the amazing life you deserve.

My husband can be useless at truly communicating, he struggles to look me in the eye when I talk to him and paces or fiddles with something until I lose my shit and then he has an excuse to walk away. However, I know this is because he is struggling to deal with the shame, he has repeated his mother's behaviour and hurt everyone he loves and he is incredibly remorseful and does not blame me at all. The problem is me, him and even our therapists worry he may not have the ability, communication skills and resilience to really make reconciliation work despite wanting it to. I know for a fact if I end things he will stop therapy, put his feelings back in a box, a fake smile on his face and live like that for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I cannot compartmentalise or push my feelings down so with or without I'm going to have to heal this gaping wound inside me.