petecarparts (original poster member #87404) posted at 10:06 PM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2026
I've been doing somewhat better since DDay, have had good days with my wife, celebrated birthdays this Summer, went on trips, have being doing the work on myself, and have seen her do the same for herself here in our situation. But the worst feeling is when you just can't help but but anxious, for no reason at all. I know the trauma of what happened this year will affect me for a while (really the both of us) and that can of course really turn things in the wrong direction if I'm not careful. But dammit, having a decent day turn poorly because your brain just can't slow down is the worst.
Anyone else dealing with general anxiety or feel anxious like this for no reason from time to time?
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 10:30 PM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2026
It's par for the course, Pete. The anxiety is a normal biological response to the shock and trauma. BTDT.
There are a few ways to mitigate and reduce the anxiety. Stay hydrated, eat healthy foods, only drink in moderation, hit the gym (I know it's clichéd, but it works), get out into nature, meditation, journalling, listening to music, breaking shit... 
Deep breathing.
It does get better. It just takes time and effort.
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:56 PM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2026
I was like that for the first 3 years of recovery.
It’s always going to be 2 steps forward one step back in the reconciliation process unfortunately.
I had to force myself to focus on the positives.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Pogre ( member #86173) posted at 11:17 PM on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2026
Yeah, this is pretty normal. I'm 17 months out from d day and just yesterday hearing the song lyrics "I've given you my onlyness" sent me on a bit of a spiral. It sucks.
I've found that just talking about it helps sometimes. I'll post here and even talk to ChatGPT sometimes. It's really good for helping me organize my thoughts and even offers some good insight. Plus it doesn't get sick of hearing me whine about it...
Pete, I don't remember, did you have a comprehensive sit-down disclosure conversation with your wife about what happened? Unanswered questions can cause some anxiety, too. Those conversations can be painful, but the way I looked at it was there are at least questions I could check off and stop ruminating over.
I dont necessarily mean a graphic blow by blow of everything that happened, some answers can trigger rumination in another direction. But at least the how, why, what, where, and when. When you have answers you can at least start integrating and processing them, and for me the sooner that was the better.
Where am I going... and why am I in this handbasket?
