SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Any SAHMs out there end up leaving their WHs? What do you have to do to prep for that, financial and job-wise?

I wasn't a stay at home mom but became a single mom when I left. Are you going to be receiving financial support from your H? That will be the biggest indicator of financial comfortability for you. I had enough saved to secure my own apartment and moving costs when I left and had a full time job so it made the transition somewhat easier (I received no financial help from my EX). Finances were tight in the beginning but I was able to do it and am now doing well. Also if you co-parent well will be helpful in taking care of the kiddos. Mine were older when I left 14 and 17 so it wasn't as difficult as when they were younger, but still had to get them around. I was not on speaking terms with my EX and am completely NC now that kids have grown up.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 10:25 PM, Tuesday, May 6th]

Also have you been to a lawyer? They can help paint a better financial picture for you. Of course it will cost money which you may be able to get them to have your H pay especially if you are a SAHM. Initial visit with a lawyer is usually free.

I was a SAHM for 20+ yrs when we divorced. It was a PITA for sure.

I got spousal support. I had to do some sort of job evaluation where this person determined what types of jobs I’d be qualified for and how much they paid - this factored into the equation for determining support. Also had to prove I had been applying and not getting hired/interviewed.

It was an adjustment for sure. Terrifying, really, but it all worked out!

Get your ducks in a row - make sure you have financial records copied, watch that he isn’t going on a spending spree with marital cash, etc.

Definitely get legal advice!

I saw a lawyer who was very clear that I would be taken care of. She said his behavior was "cruel" and "constructive dissertion" and infidelity is grounds for divorce in my state - judges don't look kindly. She suggested we see a mediator. My WS is very remorseful and agreed. We spent 3 sessions and it was pretty cut and dry. Now Im in a holding pattern....my husband is doing deep work, we are seperated and I'm giving it time. If we reconcile this document is a legally binding post nuptual agreement that I can use when I file at any time. It has given me security and a sense of security I did not have before.

I was a SAHM when I got divorced. My parents helped me get a condo in a low-income community. I lived off XH's child support payments. We weren't married long enough for spousal support to be worth it. I had minimal bills. Being in the condo complex was a HUGE help. I got a part time job and eventually re-married and bought a house.

I’d recommend seeing an atty, bc they will tell you what you should/should not do. Mine told me not to get a full time job (PT was good) until the D was final, and not to email or do anything in writing with my WS.

Some tips: when my ws left, I used all my cash on groceries. Later I found out since we didn’t have a legal separation, I would have got $580 a month in emergency SNAP (food stamps).

When I finally applied for SNAP and got it, my children got free lunch at school. Also, when you’re on free/reduced lunch you don’t have to pay to take the SAT, ACT, many colleges have no application fees for these students.

When a person files taxes as Head of Household they can get tax credits! This means you get a refund even if you don’t owe any taxes. That really helped me in March! But I think you have to have some type of even a small job to get the Earned Income Credit.

I got to keep the house and did not have to refinance if I let my WS claim 1 child in taxes every year.

Be prepared that they might try to intimidate you. I stood up to him and it paid off. I got the boat put in my children’s names, I got the house mainly so our children didn’t have to move, he had to keep them on Ins and pay 75% of all medical including orthodontics!!!!!

Also if you are on his ins, you can get on COBRA at the company rate for I believe it’s 36 months now.

If he has a 401k you should get 1/2 of it.

If you are looking for a job you can put your child/children in Mothers Day out even 1 day a week, and then on your taxes -I think-you get the child care amount vs k in your refund.

Just be prepared for head games played with your children-and that hurt me the most. Especially when their Dad stopped coming to their events-all of them, even middle school thru high school band, sports, etc. I couldn’t believe it bc he had been a good Dad until he slept with the town slut.